“If you tame me, then we shall need each other..”
From some time being, a short novel called the little prince(Le petit prince, 1943, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry) has become my relationship guidance, not only in serious relationship but also in daily friend-relationships. Frankly, there would be no difference for me to distinguish between a serious relationship and a friendship, as far every relationship is constructed and driven based on friendship. The fox asked the little prince to become a friend, and the little prince asked how. Philosophizing of all beginnings of relationship, I recalled their conversation, and simply asked myself why it is hard to practice what the fox replied of how:
“You must be very patient,” replied the fox. “First you will sit down at a little distance from me–like that– in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . .”
Sure, there is no rush for. The fox argues about the physical and emotional distance of which gap should be diminished day by day to tame one another. Words are declared as a tame breaker, according to the fox, and yes we do understand this when we think of examples when to make a friend, we do not ask questions as such ‘Can I be your friend?’ or ‘Can I be your boyfriend?’. It is an everyday effort one should endure. The fox develops his argument of time promising:
“It would have been better to come back at the same hour,” said the fox. “If, for example, you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, then at three o’clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o’clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . .”
This is easily observed in many cases, especially with those who don’t reply messages consequently. Some message back a day later, few hours later, whenever they want to reply, marking no specific agreement of their willingness to keep conversating or to make a proximate encounter that comes after. Yes, it is horrible that only one party keeps trying to communicate and ask the other to tame him/her. But knowing so, why do we keep trying? Is it because that we observe our lives be monotonous? The fox said so:
“My life is very monotonous,” the fox said. “I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . .”
Today in a cafe reading some school materials, I thought that my life isn’t that monotonous. Looking for someone to tame me now sounds like that I might want some drama on my life television. Then where comes this irony looking for someone to tame me(looking for a friendship and so forth) when I dont feel living in a monotonous life(such stress doing two master degrees, attending to various cultural event daily and weekly and so forth)?
I realised that I’ve been the one who always cries to tame me, just like the fox cried out: “Please- tame me!” I am the fox in this TV series and its every act. I don’t feel bad of the vulnerability that one cries, because it seems that the fox also knew the basic premise. It is all because “One only understands the things that one tames.” The other party makes excuses, just like the little prince denied to tame at first: “I want to, very much, but I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.” Yet later the little prince tamed him as the fox wanted him to do, and they became unforgettable friends. Of this friendship the little prince tied, he finally could understand his love to the flower he left behind.
It is sad that the fox cried when the little prince was about to leave. It is sadder when the little prince cheered him up not to cry saying “It is your own fault. I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .” The one who asked to tame should be stronger in this sense. Yes, one cries and loses the relationship, and be hurt more than the other. What has been the gain then?, the little prince asked. “It has done me good, because of the color of the wheat fields.”, the fox replied. The fox is the mature one, letting the other go and find what s/he really loves. Can I practice such maturity?
I know, yes, this maturity doesn’t come from the desire that says “Please- tame me!” to everyone at everytime. Tame me not, and I surely am still fine. Because at least one chapter of my life book stays no more monotonous. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. I priorize people to things or works. I know I would recall back my anterior chapters of my life book with the people I went through and how I felt going through with them, rather than with the job description and how much I earned doing so.
I’ve tried to manage how to create a door-opened cage in the relationship term. One comes and goes freely, but when one comes, s/he assures a shelter to stay. Having more birds coming over I had to enlarge the cage capacity and to put a wider door. And later, I just am to be an open tree with many branches but thorns.
I wonder what next lesson the fox is preparing for me.