Rowing against the wave of dreamy sleepiness

He moved out from my room, putting an end to nearly one month of cohabitating. Metaphorically speaking, he broke up with me, finding new dwelling place for himself. Now my room looks much bigger, cleaner and more quite. Of all these satisfactory elements, the space lacks what it used to contain and I’d live with this emptiness from now on. But contrarily to this breaking up, he and I became to share a deeper understanding of each other than before, at least as I believe so, as we became more close. Most of all, this cohabitating experience made me understand myself deeper, from my own inner obsession to my interaction pattern with other beings. Definitely, having a housemate and having a roommate represent different grade of daily interaction. It had been a quite experience for me having a roommate in such sense, exploring different aspects that housemates cannot deliver.

Mainly I discovered what is my priority in terms of spatial usage like that of furniture, which later I realised that it was a personal obsession that I’d like to discharge from myself. I could observe that some people spend quite an observable time in bed, watching Netflix or checking Facebook. For me, bed is a sacred place for relaxation; maybe for sex, cuddling and sleeping only. I realised that I don’t put my back on the flat mattress unless I decide to take a short nap at least. Perhaps this certain usage determination makes my body adapt only to sleep in bed, which allows me not to have major sleeping problems; when my head hits the pillow I fell asleep straight. Yes, the bed is just a functional furniture that I can get, letting me lay down and sleep.

When I have some visits, they tend to sit on the bed asking me if it would be okay for them to sit on, for there is no more chairs to share. I protest in such cases that they do accordingly, until I find it weird to see them using their computers on the bed, or to say, other than relaxing on bed. The desk is big enough to share for two people, then why would one prefer staying in bed using his or her computer? It is a personal-lifestyle-matter, of course, but this observation means that I’d projected my priority issue with it.

Maybe not everyone needs to row against the wave of dreamy sleepiness. Maybe I’m the unlucky one who couldn’t learn how to relax doing productive or unproductive activities on bed; which I have my own excuses of personal histories like in Army where I needed to wake up and get ready in full-gear within 15 minutes. But rather than this, I’d prefer saying that I wake up with expectation toward the day, toward the life, so I just wouldn’t spend my valuable time laying down. This is surely can be an industrialisation discourse from where industrialised countries have developed a social pressure so that the population wouldn’t rest but work. This is also what Paul Lafargue, a Cuban-born French revolutionist, dictated in his book ‘The right to be lazy’, promoting a concept called refusal of work to counterattack the wage slavery of modern era.

It’s still fun to wake someone up saying ‘it’s time to wake up!’. The confused face asking what time it is gave me quite a joy, and me being careful getting up from bed to prepare for the day gave me a sensation that I cared for the other who still was laying on the bed sleeping. I am a good sleeper; no snoring nor moving in sleep (no, I can’t prove). Sleeping well and quietly surely is a considerable value for cohabitating.

Then I realised that the desk in my room is the most important furniture for me, instead of the bed, especially in this era where I devote myself to reading, writing and studying. I like piling up books and papers on the desk, seeing what are my proximate activities to reach out. My daily activities happen around the desk, either in house or in café. During cohabitating, both of us needed to use the desk for work reason, and I gave up using my space then wandered from café to café, enjoying the change of environment where I can sit to watch people passing by. This constant change gave me better concentration; which made me doubt myself being an outdoor person than an indoor one. Still, I was with the desk.

I could conclude that I cared to use my own desk, which became later a discharged obsession I had. I moved from the desk to the bed, becoming one of those people who use their computer on bed, laying down or sitting on it. I wouldn’t say that I was pushed away from the desk, nor I became to practice my right to be lazy, but this change of spatial usage made me think what kind of comfort and routine that I had internalised until then. Eventually I was sleeping sitting on the desk, dreaming of future and daily tasks. I was rowing against the wave of this sleepiness and tiresome, until this cohabitating alarmed me to wake up.

This alarm now dismissed. There isn’t to snooze. I’m back again to the routine where I had put my own efforts on rowing. I get to occupy my space alone, but not as same as before, since I do have some lessons learnt. It’s that I became trying to be more independent from materials that I have around me. I shouldn’t be much attached to those materials that I can’t bring with myself for longer time. I just can change my perspective on attached objects, to have less materiales and less emotional influence from those remains. Someone might say this is what they call minimalism (until some points).

He left, kissing my shoulder saying his love of brotherhood. The next day he came over to have a dinner. The next day we met up at a park to chat and meditate. The next day we hit the gym to work out, then had a lunch at his new place where hides a big and quite garden behind its gate. Changes are good in that they wake me up from the sleepiness. Later at some point I know I should go back to sleep to recharge myself, and when I am to wake up again I’d be rowing again to reach the shore. Maybe next cohabitating experience I’d have in near future, I’d be a better person to share the same space, and to practice better how to emotionally handle myself.

 

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