How to distinguish friendship and love


It was an interesting thought that I encountered, discussing the difference between love relationship and friendship. And fairly enough, it could be defined that if there is a proper goodbye (a breakup) it’s relationship because in friendship there is no breakup but reencounter, or a fading-out. I know, this artificial distinction between those two relationships can be debateable for any relationship is based on somewhat friendship, one might say. But maybe the intent to separate one from the other allows us to identify the love in somewhat we call friendship, as well.

And applying this definition, I could recall memories where I shared proper goodbyes to my friends, which I redefine them more as lovers than friends. Those memories were beautifully recalled, for it is beautiful what has an end as one poet sang before. At the same time, farewell is needed for those who call themselves friends, other poet duetted.

I thought it was more than a friendship that I had with the Italian girl I used to meet up but recalling back, it was a friendship. I thought it was just a friendship with the Irish guy I used to hang out but recalling back, it was more a loving relationship, according to this new concept that distinguishes love from friendship. Some of the people that I carried in the past to whom I kept postponing the farewell became good friends of mine at some point. I lost loves, but found friends. I lost friends, but found loves. I’m not yet wise enough to know which makes my life more enriched, but with gratitude I wrote few postcards today appreciating all those loving people in my life. Well frankly, to those in my recent life years that I could recall.

But eventually, one will say goodbye to everybody one encounters in life, making every one of them at last the love of one’s life. The lesson that teaches us to be kind to everybody is never overly repeated then, since we never know which person is going to stay as the love of one’s life. But now I know that eventually we are going to say goodbye to everyone, and it is maybe our fallacy that romanticises love as something greater than friendship. Maybe we just love everyone we encounter in life, since we’re about to say proper goodbyes to everyone at the right moment. In this sense, we shouldn’t be forced to be kind for the fact maybe one of those people would stay as the love of one’s life, instead, we should be kind no matter what because one encounter people because they are the love of very his life from the beginning.

If one says that it’s a mature value that one knows when to say a goodbye, I now could interpret this as the hardship of breakups. It’s hard enough that we try to make it fade away or reencounter some day in the future whereas knowing those are just a disguise to avoid to say goodbye in proper manner. But also, saying goodbye is a privilege to those whom are called themselves friends or loves, and this is not to be missed by intention.

These arguments developed then that it’s not the question that one has goodbye or not to distinguish love from friendship, but how to say goodbye to distinguish love from friendship. A goodbye with hopelessness, a goodbye with deception, a goodbye with relief, a goodbye with further hope, a structuralised goodbye and so on; there are so many ways to say a single goodbye, so what matters is not just saying it but how to say it: We almost never say it correctly.

I shouldn’t structuralise the proper way to say goodbye, for I’m not the wise in this world and still I’m receiving wisdom from the teachers of life who lived ahead of me. But one thing that they taught me that I can say in certain is that we born crying while others smiling, and it should be the other way around when we die: we die smiling while others crying, and that’s the only proper way to say goodbye at last. Those who cry are the loves of one’s life, for sure, and thinking about it, one might notice that those whom one underestimates to be just a friend might be the one who cry the most. They were the love all along while one even hasn’t noticed until his last breath.

Distinguishing love from friendship wasn’t intended to sort out people setting up priority on each. But it might help me to arrange how not to prioritise people from people for I would never know who are the loves and who are the friends. Either way, I should treat them equally. Surely I cannot help myself recalling back days regretting that I could have spent more time with underestimated loves and scissor out overestimated friends, if there were such distinction. Once I argued that I wouldn’t need a farewell, and now I understand what that meant. Maybe I need more farewell that I believed to do so, for some times I crave more love than friendship.

I should say proper goodbye to whom it deserves. It would be similar to say love to whom it deserves.

One thought on “How to distinguish friendship and love

  1. A copyright of this idea is on me. You should’ve got my permission. But you put some another intriguing ideas with mine. I have never told you ‘Why the proper/official breakup can make a love different from friendship.’ Well, I will write that down later so come and see mine:) And I also have another fascinating idea that I am going to write down; what is a difference between INDIFFERENCE and TRUST (and love). It would be way more interesting.


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