Leaning on before wearing out


Stress is merely psychological not physical, yet it exists with certain weight that presses down shoulders. As this semester is reaching its end, dramatic highlights are also revealing just to meet their dissolution at the last page. Perhaps it’s just my ill-organised attitude that cannot hold those assignements properly in time or it’s just the volume of those assignments is ridiculously overloaded. Either way, not to pile up negative complains, I decided to find some places to lean on; shoulders of people I have met, or cafés where my adventure has taken me.

Interestingly I identified myself with a statue that erects from the backyard of Louvre garden. My interpretation of the art piece bounced off to everywhere to convince myself what the hidden story behind it would be. A man seemed to be worn out and was almost falling onto a boy standing next to him. Is that a father-son relationship? Would this be loving relationship as in ancient Greek? or could it be a reflexion of one self, recalling his own worryless-childhood? Their faces emitted the weight of burden they carried, yet the sky was palely clear as if it were too naïve to understand the burden that the earth represented.

I was eager to find such leaning spot these days, then realised this leaning spot also should be psychological not physical, as the need came from psychological wearing out not from physical one. Since I was feeling physical weight on my shoulders that seizes my breath, I was looking for any physical confort around me that I could prove to learn on. I understood that I need to find a psychological solution for this mental exhaustion from overloaded works, but then the question comes: where and how to find it?

We’ve been practicing to light up the burden: though meditation, through well-eating, through travelling, through tea-time conversation, through athletic activities, or through doing-nothing. Recalling back when I was living in Buenos Aires, I could identify what I’ve done for leaning on. Now here in Paris, still I couldn’t rest my roots down yet. As the environment changed, the same routine wouldn’t make same sensation nor result. I need to admit to make my rituals suit from parisien life style. Doing so, I might confront restrictions that limits me to completely lean on, but these restrictions will be the very elements that gift me where to lean on.

At the same time, mapping the relationship of the statue that I observed, I should be thinking to be the very psychological spot where others can lean on. To do so, I might need to stay in boyish mentality not to reveal my being worn out before them, since no one would lean on a crumbling wall.

Be strong, but not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be humble, but not timid. Be proud, but not arrogant: My motos for standing still, but not as a crumbling marble.


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